Comments after the poem! Enjoy!
The Spider’s Web
I saw a spider spin her web
From the window in my room.
I was muted in the dark.
She was outlined by the moon
As she fixed a silken thread
To a myrtle and a post
That sagged some in the middle
Right above a blooming rose.
And I noticed how the filament
Was collecting the night’s mist
And reshaping it to droplets
That mimicked the lunar gist.
Each globule glowed with silver
As it drifted down the line
And it grew until it lost its grip
To gravity and time.
Then, it dripped down on the blossom
With a soundless, weighted crash,
And the rosebud bowed and curtsied
With every dewdrop’s splash.
I was frozen in the moment
Gazing on each crystal ball
As it glided down the fiber
Found its purpose and let fall,
And I felt my body rocking
With the swaying of the rose
From the short hairs on my forehead
All the way down to my toes
Till I was standing, dreaming
In a swoon sweeter than sleep,
Cradled in a sea of silence
Where the memories run deep.
Then, the reverie was broken
By a shape dangling in space
And I felt a primal terror
As it moved across my face.
All my innate fears were rising,
All my past enchantment ebbing,
I began to squirm and thrash about.
I was caught up in her webbing!
Or so, I thought for a moment
Till I gathered up my wits
And I looked back out the window
To the limb tip where she sits.
Yes, she sits there still this morning
Waiting for her web to shake
And pretending that she’s napping.
I think I will stay awake.
Well, with this poem, I believe that I will officially begin the revisions necessary for putting a book of nature poems together. This poem is revised from one that some of you may recognize. I will post it below. The revision is primarily based on the suggestions of my correspondence friend, Patrick Gillespie (whose novel Tiny House, Big Mountain is now available through Raw Earth Press--Ask me if you would like to know more about it!). Patrick suggested that the original poem, while containing some beautiful word combinations, sounded too mawkish, too sentimental, and, ultimately, too much like a bad 19th century poet had written it. I am a person who appreciates criticism when it is helpful, and I am more than happy to show that I am not a one-trick pony even if I often stick to certain themes, subjects, ideas, and forms for a collection. One promise that I did make to my faithful readers when I began this collection was that the poems would be song-like. I did a better job with the music in this one than in the previous version. Musical verse happens to be my preference in writing anyway, but I can do other things. Anyway...just thinking aloud.
Here is the original poem:
Arachne and the Melancholy Rose
Arachne weaves scenes beneath the bone white moon--
Its keen beams pierce black clouds like rapture--
Her silken essences flow without thought
Connecting thorny strands of Melancholy,
Red, red Rose missing her sun-lover.
The spider’s thread collects night’s mists—
Each glowing droplet a miniature moon—
Like silver oils in glittering imaginations
Spangled in the anguish of half light
Growing in the unwavering grip of gravity,
The globules drift down the glossy line
And
Drip,
Drip,
Drip
Onto placid, purple petals,
Sleepy, droopy petals,
Rose’s red, red petals
Moondreaming of Apollo’s warm kisses.
I would be very interested in knowing which poem my faithful readers (All 15 of you!) like best. If you have a little time, send me an email and let me know which you do like best, and if you have a little more time, tell me why. I am quite curious.
By the way, I took the picture of the spider web at the top in the middle of the day. I am using some heavy filtering to make it look like it is glowing in the moonlight, but I think it works.
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